The Tomato in my Underpants

You read that right. Now is the time for the harrowing saga of the day I realized my cats are much more clever than I would like them to be.

I was home from a REALLY long day at my new job (I am the new Development Associate for the theatre at which I interned last year....moving on up? We'll see). I was drinking heavily. I was not really dressed anymore (boyfriend's bathrobe and a beer in my hand would be about it. Sounds much hotter than it actually was). I was chatting on the phone to one of my blonde alter-egos (not the Divine Ms. M this time, but my psycho-twin who we shall refer to as "E-dog"). I was bitching loudly, as I often do after about 4 "Frugal-Joe's" beers. I accidentally stepped in the enormous pile of laundry on my floor, specifically on a pair of underwear I had worn the day before (as many of you know, I am no housekeeper).

The underwear went "squish".


Even whilst inebriated, I knew that this was not good.

I looked down, and I reached for the offending undergarment. I put my hand inside, and pulled out...


A TOMATO.

My brain reeled as it dawned on me how a tomato could end up in my dirty laundry, in my bedroom which is on the opposite side of the house from my dining room or kitchen.

Then I remembered I had placed a large bowl of my own garden-grown (and quite delicious...At least when not found inside a pair of Victoria's Secret bikinis) grape-tomatoes on my dining room table, for there were a lot of them and not much room in the old fridge.

I raced to the table, set down my beer and cell phone, and peered inside the fated bowl. Lo and Behold, there were roughly 2/3 as many tomatoes in said bowl as there had been that morning.
My cat, specifically the crafty black-furred one who also likes to hoard my socks under the couch in her free time, had figured out how to pick up a tomato in their mouths, drop it on the floor, and bat it around like a bright-red kitty toy.


I had found one missing fruit with my foot.

Where had the others gone? WHEN WOULD I FIND ALL THE TOMATOES?

This was three weeks ago.
I have only found one more tomato: under my recliner.

If you are ever at my lovely apartment, and smell something over-ripe emanating from under a piece of furniture, don't panic.

It's just a tomato, that's all.