Saturday, August 20, 2005

Addendum to "The Tomato in my Underpants":

So my boyfriend read my "Tomato" entry from a few days ago and was rather sore that his contribution to solving the mystery was eliminated from my account of the tale.

To clarify:
1). It was also HE who found the second missing tomato under the reclining chair.

and

2). Yes, HE is the one to whom it dawned that there was a bowl of tomatoes on the table that might have become susceptible to feline intrusion. He even goes so far as to claim that he had suspected all along that that bowl of tomatoes might be vulnerable to attack.


Of course, this did not inspire him to suggest AT THE TIME that perhaps the bowl should be moved to higher ground to prevent such an occurrence....but whatever ;)...


I hope this clarifies things to my loyal audience (of, like, three people). What would I do without the able mind of my darling significant other?


I'd probably write a lot fewer snarky blog messages like this one, for starters. hehehe.... :)

p.s. You should see what quotes of his I write in my away messages..... Beware saying anything stupid in my presence, I can't resist a public display of embarrassment.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

I'm such a follower

Everybody's doing it.... okay, well maybe just my Actiondale girlfriends...but I want to be cool like them....
1. YOUR PORN STAR NAME: (Name of first pet / Street you live on):
Smokey Pineridge

2. YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: (Name of your favorite snack food / Grandfather's first name): Cheetos Gardner

3. YOUR FASHION DESIGNER NAME: (First word you see on your left / Favorite restaurant): Rolling Stephens

4. EXOTIC FOREIGNER ALIAS: (Favorite Spice / Last Foreign Vacation Spot):
Cinnamon Dubrovnik

5. SOCIALITE ALIAS: (Silliest Childhood Nickname / Town Where You First Partied):
Mouse Athens

6. "FLY GIRL/BOY" ALIAS (a la J. Lo): (First Initial / First Two or Three Letters of your Last Name):
T. You

7. ICON ALIAS: (Something Sweet Within Sight / Any Liquid in Your Kitchen):
Peppermint Lager

8. DETECTIVE ALIAS: (Favorite Baby Animal / Where You Went to High School):
Otter Annandale

9. BARFLY ALIAS: (Last Snack Food You Ate / Your Favorite Alcoholic Drink):
Saltine Gin&Tonic (ok that one doesn't really work)

10. SOAP OPERA ALIAS: (Middle Name / Street Where You First Lived):
Neo Warwick

11. ROCK STAR ALIAS: (Favorite Candy / Last Name Of Favorite Musician):
Reeses Amos

12. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: ( First 2 letters of your first name and the first 3 Letters from your last name makes your first name. Take the first 2 letters of your mother's maiden name and the first 3 letters of the city you were born in):
TaYou BoMon

I think I'm gonna start going by my Exotic Foreigner Alias. Cinnamon Dubrovnik? Hot.

The Tomato in my Underpants

You read that right. Now is the time for the harrowing saga of the day I realized my cats are much more clever than I would like them to be.

I was home from a REALLY long day at my new job (I am the new Development Associate for the theatre at which I interned last year....moving on up? We'll see). I was drinking heavily. I was not really dressed anymore (boyfriend's bathrobe and a beer in my hand would be about it. Sounds much hotter than it actually was). I was chatting on the phone to one of my blonde alter-egos (not the Divine Ms. M this time, but my psycho-twin who we shall refer to as "E-dog"). I was bitching loudly, as I often do after about 4 "Frugal-Joe's" beers. I accidentally stepped in the enormous pile of laundry on my floor, specifically on a pair of underwear I had worn the day before (as many of you know, I am no housekeeper).

The underwear went "squish".


Even whilst inebriated, I knew that this was not good.

I looked down, and I reached for the offending undergarment. I put my hand inside, and pulled out...


A TOMATO.

My brain reeled as it dawned on me how a tomato could end up in my dirty laundry, in my bedroom which is on the opposite side of the house from my dining room or kitchen.

Then I remembered I had placed a large bowl of my own garden-grown (and quite delicious...At least when not found inside a pair of Victoria's Secret bikinis) grape-tomatoes on my dining room table, for there were a lot of them and not much room in the old fridge.

I raced to the table, set down my beer and cell phone, and peered inside the fated bowl. Lo and Behold, there were roughly 2/3 as many tomatoes in said bowl as there had been that morning.
My cat, specifically the crafty black-furred one who also likes to hoard my socks under the couch in her free time, had figured out how to pick up a tomato in their mouths, drop it on the floor, and bat it around like a bright-red kitty toy.


I had found one missing fruit with my foot.

Where had the others gone? WHEN WOULD I FIND ALL THE TOMATOES?

This was three weeks ago.
I have only found one more tomato: under my recliner.

If you are ever at my lovely apartment, and smell something over-ripe emanating from under a piece of furniture, don't panic.

It's just a tomato, that's all.